


Better

by purplefox



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6352507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto's return after a mission that went horribly wrong. A promise to himself</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how my Wip folder got so huge after I just cleaned it smh, but it is a nice distraction writing little things like this. I hope you darlings enjoy this ^_^

He thought he would be able to handle it. There were so many classes on controlling emotions. There were so many talks about the worse happening. He had become so focused on the best things that he had allowed himself to forget that bad things happened to.

That some things needed time to be fixed. And he had gotten so caught up in being acknowledged and love that he had allowed himself to forget about that aching feeling.

But that was not a bad thing. To forget that hollow emptiness.

But from here. Where could he go?

Tears dripped down his cheeks. It was hard to tell the dripping tears from the rain but he knew what he was feeling. That heavy scroll was on his back. His heart was heavy with each step he made. The pace to home was punishing even for his body but he did it anyway.

It was so painful. So agonizing. And he was the only one that would suffer on the way home anyway so who cared what kind of pace he would set.

It was so frustrating. And the pouring rain drew out just how painful and agonizing everything was.

What was he going to say? What could he say? How could he look anyone in the eye? It was so frustrating. Agonizing.

After everything they had all suffered it was supposed to get better but things were still the same. Had he gotten carried away in his arrogance? Naruto’s next step was harsher almost breaking the branch. His cloak moved and clung to him. Heavy in the rain. He could feel how much closer to home he was but the dread just got sharper.

He was close to home but he did not feel happy or even relieved because-

He was alone.

The gate came into sight and his pace slowed. He kept his head bowed and his pace slowed into a dragging walk. The scroll was heavy on his back. He adjusted his hood and kept his head down hoping and praying he would see no one before he did what he had to do.

The report would kill him. The visit to the hospital. He just knew it would kill all his emotions even the grief but it had to be done.

It was so frustrating. He raised his head and caught sight of white waiting at the gates. His breath caught and his steps stopped as he stood outside Konoha. The Hokage stood in his robes and hat and Naruto felt his shame rise. The scroll on his back became an even bigger burden.

“Naruto.” Kakashi said softly and Naruto looked away unwilling to look the man in the face and have to actually verbally tell about his failure.

After all, it was enough that Naruto had returned alone. That spoke of his failure. Still he felt weary. He dropped to one knee ignoring the mud and rain. His tears continued and he was so tired. Tired and frustrated.

“Hokage-sama.” He said hoarsely. “I failed my mission.”

“I heard about the circumstances. From what I heard the mission was complete.” Kakashi-sensei’s voice was even and Naruto bit back his sob of anguish.

“No, we lost six members. The members I was sent to back up. the enemy had a complicated ambush scheme. We lost two to injuries.” Naruto said shakily. He felt his heart twist at the terror he had felt on holding their hands unknowing of what to do.

It had been terrifying and horrible and the only thing he had been able to do was grant the last of his team’s wish to end their suffering. And that would stay with him.

“Naruto.” Kakashi-sensei said softly and Naruto’s ears detected the sound of Kakashi walking through the mud and rain. He kept his gaze down and saw the hem of Kakashi’s robe and his sandals come into view. “It was a bad mission.” He said gently.

“That’s no excuse.” Naruto managed to choke out. “I failed.” He breathed. “Hokage-sama I failed. I should have done it all, completed my mission and brought them home.” He raised his head and ignored the rain that slid down his cheeks accompanying his tears. “I should have done better.”

Kakashi-sensei’s face was understanding and the hand he placed on Naruto’s shoulder was warm and the heat went through his cloak. “As it is I’m glad that we got someone back from that. We feared the worst.”

“I’ll do better.” Naruto promised. His hand rested over the one Kakashi-sensei had on his shoulder. He had experienced many things before the war and during it. But this sort of thing no one could have prepared him for it and it was a fact that many had gone through it and many would go through it. And he would have to help others. He would have to overcome this too but for now, he just wanted to grieve.

“I’ll come with you.” Kakashi-sensei said softly. “To notify the families.”

“I think it is best to do it separately if you want to.” Naruto admitted. “But I was the standby captain. It is my job.”

X

It was such a hard thing to do. Naruto’s door closed behind him. He knew he was dripping mud and water all over his floor but he did not care. He had spoken to all the families of those who had died. He felt tired. He felt empty.

And that they had thanked him made him feel horrible. They had been so grateful that he had managed to give them personal effects but he had wanted to do more than that.

His cloak slipped to the ground and his shoes came off next. Naruto’s breath hitched and he took two steps into his apartment before his knees went out but a warm arm came around him and he was gently lowered to his knees.

Naruto looked next to him to see Kakashi-sensei helping him.

“Sensei.” He said softly as the tears started again. Kakashi-sensei just shifted them around and pulled him close so that Naruto could press his face into Kakashi-sensei’s Jounin vest.

“This too will pass.” Kakashi-sensei said softly and his arms came around him making Naruto feel safe. “The sun will shine again Naruto.” He promised and Naruto’s vision blurred and he buried his face deeper and allowed himself to weep.

X

Kakashi was hurting as well but as he held Naruto to himself he felt his heart breaking right along with Naruto’s. He was glad Naruto had come back. That Naruto had made it back. He was so happy about that and as he kept Naruto to him he felt himself reminded of how close he had come to losing someone important to him.

Again.

He had promised to go slow with this. But it was so hard to when moments like these happened. And they happened often enough and they would continue to. Because they were shinobi. But as things were, holding Naruto in his arms brought a little peace to his troubled heart. For now, they would grieve and later they would show their improvements and strength. From this they would become better.


End file.
